Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
