he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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