So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
