My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
