No stitches, just platelets and will power
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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