i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
