how can u be prego again
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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