She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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