Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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