Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
