He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
