when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
