I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
