i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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