even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
