I think I won the penis lottery.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
