how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
