her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
