i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I still have a little drunk in my system
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
