Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
