i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Randomize
