On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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