i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
