By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
third nipple confirmed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
