You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
