I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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