I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
