I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
