The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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