he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
