Will you blow on my dice?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
