I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
