Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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