i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
