Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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