Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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