Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
