why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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