i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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