ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
