I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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