My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
