my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
