WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
