I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
