i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have fence marks all over my body
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
