That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
