so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
