Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
