So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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