I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
